Of course, when you first realize that you are attracted or seriously interested in the best friend of your ex-boyfriend, you may feel slightly weird about it. Do you go after the guy, and risk pissing the ex-boyfriend off? Do you let him get away and then always wonder what could have been? It is quite a pickle. Preferably, the two of you should tell him together that you want to date.
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Your email address will not be published. Now that you know that you really want to do this, you need to realistically assess the situation. Think back — how did your relationship with your ex end? Was it on friendly terms or did you have an ugly breakup? Do you still talk to each other regularly or have you ceased all contact? This information is important, because it makes the difference between needing to tell him about your new-found interest in his best friend or not.
Another thing — how serious was the relationship with your ex , to begin with? Were you in a serious, long-term relationship which you agonizingly decided to end, or was it just a short stint during which you realized you were just not that into each other and mutually called it quits? If things were serious, however, you need to watch out, because he will most likely be a little hurt, or at least, confused.
This brings me to my next point: This question is important for a number of reasons: My other honest opinion is that what you wrote above is actually you leaving out the most important and interesting aspect of all this. There's no objective answer here; the way to figure out this question isn't by finding the socially acceptable truth through a survey of opinions but instead by looking at your feelings either with yourself or through conversation.
Because what's most important is the needs and personal truths that are bound up with those feelings. Exploring all that is what you need to do to get clear about how best to respond to this relational dilemma. My spouse and I each have friends of the opposite sex, and I have no problem with that.
My opinion is that you should end this relationship now. It's completely fine to not be comfortable with the currently level of intimacy between them.http://ipdwew0030atl2.public.registeredsite.com/145717-best-smartphone.php
My boyfriend is best friend with his ex - girlfriend relationship couples | Ask MetaFilter
It's very unusual and I would not be comfortable with it either. You have to choose if you can accept him now, as he is with this friendship, or not, and move on. It sounds like you are less worried about him cheating on you or leaving you for this girl, then you want to be the person she is in his life. And that is prefect fine and normal. It just again means this is not the right relationship for you. Were they still sleeping together when broken up? I don't get the half broken up thing, but friends I know do it. This isn't the guy for you. You and he are not going to see eye-to-eye about this and the situation will bring out the worst in you.
It's only been 2 months. I am still best friends with an ex. If my husband had tried to tell me I couldn't socialize with them back when we were first dating, I would have ended the relationship. It sounds like you should find someone else to date and let this guy do the same. Wow, everyone is being really kind, but I'll be more blunt. I don't think the way you're acting is very thoughtful or mature. Their relationship isn't about you. They've been broken up and non romantic for a year.
They had a year to get back together, and they didn't, and now he has gotten into a relationship with you. Everyone tells you you don't have to worry about this, and you yourself "really believe that there is nothing going on between them. He cares enough about you that he's trying to accommodate this! You know nothing is going on and yet you're trying to hurt or destroy their friendship. In my view of the world, that's like a moral crime or whatever you want to call it. People's deep relationships aren't yours to destroy, no matter what.
Even if you're right and he's too attached to her to be ready for a new relationship, the right answer is just to move along. But you don't even say that. You give no reasons why this is interfering with your relationship, just that he does not want to let her go. Well yeah, he's been close to her for years and they've been through a lot. That's "not your problem??
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Why should he have to let her go? What's making you want to destroy this relationship? Because you fear your relationship with him will never have that depth? I mean, the guy can clearly form real relationships, so why don't you just get on with building your own relationship with him? He's introduced you to his parents just a couple months in. I'm not saying that a concern like yours could never make sense. You might reach a point where you can say "he clearly only has room for one person in his heart, and it's not me.
His friends aren't saying that.
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You basically said the opposite. His behavior conveys the opposite. You don't give any reason this is limiting the ability of you guys to form a solid relationship.
It sounds to me like you need to get to the bottom of why you're doing this and address that insecurity? And maybe hold off on relationships until other people's desires and sadness are things that you care about.
'Can I date my ex-boyfriend's best friend?'
You need to see the two of them together; reserve judgements until then. Then what exactly is the problem? You're not afraid that he's cheating with her now, you're afraid that you will invest time and effort into a relationship and he will later on decide he wants to go back to her. That fear of the future is killing your relationship with him now. No, that's not how the conversation will go, this isn't a Lifetime movie of the week. You'll meet her and you'll make small talk; she's not going to reassure you about anything, she's an adult and this is your problem, not hers. I'm sorry, but if you can't find a way to be comfortable with their friendship, then this relationship isn't going to work.
But before you do anything, meet her. Give her a chance. You're building up a lot in your head and you've never even met her. If he means as much to you as you say he does, make this effort. This doesn't sound like a situation in which you can be happy long-term. Your and his values on being friends with exes clearly don't match up. I would urge you to rethink the blanket idea you seem to have that close friendship with an ex or member of the opposite sex is automatically a huge red flag.
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As a bi person currently dating another bi person, if either of us followed those same rules we could literally have no other friends. You also seem to have internalized the idea that if you can't fulfill ALL roles in your significant other's life the relationship has failed, and I'd urge you to rethink that for your own mental health.
Okay, I have to ask — did you mean they own a horse together or a house?
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Take from that what you will. It really sounds like you are trying to bend him to your will and putting your feelings quite above his without much consideration or empathy for why he feels as he does. Whether your feelings about his ex are reasonable or not, this isn't how healthy relationships work. My honest opinion is that you should both cut your losses. For what it's worth, when I met my wife, my best friend was probably my most recent serious ex-girlfriend broken up for about a year: Thankfully never came up.
Since getting married, we had a baby, and now have less time to spend with friends - which makes me sad, but is just a structural development.